Craftastrophe.net
Eye Yi Yi
Eye’m I’m not sure what to say about this…….
But if you want to start saving for the kid’s therapy, right after buying this would probably be a good time to start.
Kim sleeps with one eye open.
Not the same, but still fun:As if childhood weren’t hard enough already
From the description:
This would make a cute bag for a little girl
Yeah, if you wanted her to be a complete and utter outcast for the rest of the school year.
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Suebob is still smarting from not having the cute lunch bags.
Not the same, but still fun:If you’re good, the magical syringe fairy will visit!
I remember when I was little and my mom would tuck me into bed. Snug, warm, secure. She would kiss my forehead. smooth my hair and snuggle my favorite toy into the crook of my arm.
Syringey and I would drift off to dreamland, dreaming dreams of puncturing skin, taking blood samples, pushing heroine. It was a simpler time and place. One day, Syringey went missing and I? Well, I was devastated. I searched through my photos of my beloved Syringe and Quickly made signs.
Missing, stuffed syringe. Answers to “Syringey”
Desperate for a hit to find my missing friend! He enjoys Murder
She Wrote, long walks on the beach and pushing smack Girl
Scout cookies.
Alas, Syringey was never found, until now.
Not the same, but still fun:Pumpkin Patch
Hermann Rorschach was born in 1884. He started showing inkblot pictures to children and analyzing their responses around 1910. In 1921 he published his book, Psychodiagnostik, that formed the basis for the diagnostic ink blot test. From his work, John E. Exner created the Exner Scoring System, which is to this day used with Rorschach’s inkblot tests in criminal investigations and mental health facilities around the world.
The woman who painted this sign might benefit from some Rorschach analysis.
Call me immature, or maybe oversexed, but when I first saw this there was only one word that came to mind and it was not Halloween.
While I wish its creator was a brilliant, devious mastermind who purposefully painted this equivalent of a folk art Rorschach and then posted it on Etsy for $110, I don’t think that’s the case. The rest of her work is whimsical and cute, and she sounds like a lovely, oblivious woman who has no idea that this piece looks like a 1970′s vagina.
I bet she also fails to see the irony of the “Welcome to Sleepy Hollow” sign.
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Renee takes care to trim her sleepy hollow.
Some more like this one:I Need This Birdhouse Like I Need a Hole in the Chest
Of all the incarnations of Marlyn Monroe, this gourd birdhouse does the most justice to her charisma, grace, and iconic figure.
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Cat Rocketship is an artist, and curates a no-gourds-allowed craft show called Market Day.
Some more like this one:Apparently this has something to do with unicorns. NSFW or small children or people with pacemakers or anyone at all really.
Like all good citizens of internet land I love me some bacon, zombies, ninja, people balancing weird shit on various livestock and domesticated animals, cupcakes and unicorns.
But one special lady has managed to not only combine unicorns with cupcakes but simultaneously evoke Rule 34 of the Internet – if it exists there is porn of it.
Well sorta.
If you are into that kind of thing.
Cause apparently she believes you might be.
Oh. Em. Gee. I present you:
Unicorn Pasties IN YOUR SIZE
I actually have NO IDEA where the unicorns fit into this. As I see no evidence of a horn nor does this make me happy.
Not in the slightest.
I think she may have found the horn…
CANNOT UNSEE!
Kelley – who spent some time wandering around in this chicks Etsy shop and now has a counsellor on speed dial. And really itchy nipples.
Not the same, but still fun:Why I Don’t Camp Anymore
It’s official. Somehow I’ve turned into a city girl. Suddenly mountains and fresh air make me twitchy. With every rustle of the leaves, I’m dead certain that blood-thirsty zombies are coming to eat my brains. Because I keep finding things like this:
Ayup. Someone has made their very own decapitated, infant Fire Marshall Bill. I think the artist sums it up quite well.
You know you don’t have enough stupid crap in your home so you should buy this.
I’m going to guess his advertising slogan for toilet paper would be, “What else are you going to wipe your ass with?”
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Elly Lou also prefers toilet paper to poison ivy leaves, for the record.
Some more like this one:Breast Scarf Ever !
According to the artist, they ……
“almost look real!
almost feel real!
almost are real!”
Now I don’t know about your boobs, but mine?
“aren’t saggy !
aren’t furry!
aren’t square!”
And I only have two.
But my nipples are rather perky like that.
Was that TMI ?
Kim would like to thank Dr. William Hedden.
Not the same, but still fun:Life’s Biggest Disappointment
We LOVE bacon here at Craftastrophe. If you don’t believe me, do a search. We have had many, many fine bacon-related items as features.
But we have never had Bacon Soap before. Well, there comes a time for everything:
The big disappointment is that it doesn’t SMELL like bacon. It smells like VANILLA. Wtf is the point of washing your hands with lovely bacony soap if you don’t smell like bacon afterward?
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Suebob is a vegetarian. But she loves bacon.
Not the same, but still fun:Sometimes We Are Amazed By Etsy
In the best way possible, because really? LOOK AT THIS!
Hand cast in porcelain, it is a Kerr Mason jar replica as a votive holder. I need one. I need three, actually, because LOOK AT THEM!
How charming would these look hanging over the covered patio by the pool? Or dangling gently from your hands in amazing dark lighting? Like this?
So, my advice? Go buy one, but if you buy them all before I get a chance to, I will punch you in the throat.
Not the same, but still fun:Guess What? Monkey Butt.
Or rather, “Piece of driftwood that may or may not look like anything, but this seller thinks you should lay down $75 for”.
You will absolutely NEVER EVER see this wall sculpture in anyone else’s possesion once it becomes yours! Great conversation piece, great piece of Great Lakes Art, great unique gift for the person that THOUGHT they had everything!
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Cat Rocketship wrote this post. She’s an artist.
Some more like this one:Chenille Stems Are My New Favorite Thing
Sometimes you find stuff and you’re just not sure what to say about it. Behold, Dollface Psycho Mini with Barbed Wire Bat!
Looking to bring entropy and discord to Chenillopolis is this masked miscreant! With a bad haircut, a frightening doll mask, and a baseball bat wrapped in razorwire, this mean little guy is looking to start trouble!
Minus the mohawk, the Dollface Psycho Mini stands 2″ (5.08 cm) high. The figure’s body is a chenille stem base. His vest is denim, his pants have a string tie, are string, and his “anarchy” pin is cut from funfoam.
And nothing says “anarchy” like funfoam!
This shop features a whole host of assorted chenille stem based dolls, like my favorite, the Dead Outlaw:
Just look at the craftsmanship!
But the best part of this shop is a link that takes us to the home of Amputheatre, the “world’s goriest board game”.
AMPUTHEATRE is a strategic board game of hand-to-hand combat for three to ten players. Set in a future too close for comfort, public execution is now televised- and that execution takes the shape of gladiatorial battle. Convicted Death Row murderers battle to the bloody death in an arena full of weapons and booby traps (the AMPUTHEATRE itself.)
Sounds like a blast!
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Renee wishes Monopoly had more killing!
Some more like this one:
Today’s the Day I Yank My Kid Out of Bible Camp. And It Was His First Day.
I found this little gem via Passive Aggressive Notes and it was just as I was setting down my tea after having dropped my youngest off at Bible Camp. I nearly spit tea all over my keyboard. Then I got in my car and raced to the church to pick my baby up!
(not really – my freedom definitely trumped his possible need for therapy later.)
Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.
(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)
I’m still debating whether to send my kid to VBS the rest of the week. I mean, it’s free. And I won’t have to play Candyland again and again. We can talk about DOOM! later.
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Not the same, but still fun:Girl, that is gunna chafe.
It’s not so much the beading – I mean OBVIOUSLY everyone wants a little elephant and Christmas holly decorating their vaginal region – it is the up-cycling.
I know up-cycling is all the rage.
Even when it was called ‘re-cycling’ or ‘making shit outta shit cause you don’t have no money for shit’
But some things, no matter what, really shouldn’t be up-cycled.
And bedazzled on the kitchen table where Nanna drinks her tea.
Kelley – who didn’t actually SAY panties, the crafter did. And wouldn’t dare so the other unofficial most hated internet word – ‘moist’ – cause that would just be cruel.
Not the same, but still fun:Bun(ny) In The Oven
I made the mistake of watching that Inception movie this weekend – two and a half hours of my life I’m never getting back. Still, I’d rather watch that movie seven times over while on a bad acid trip than spend another moment trying to figure out just what the hell is happening here:
Is it a Jackalope in a sea of congealed vomit? A still from an upcoming Tim Burton movie? The creature that lives in my fireplace and eats all the cookies when I’m sleeping?
Rabbit Lore
The hare represented romantic love, lust, abundance,
and fercundity. Hares were associated with the
Artemis, goddess of wild places and the hunt, and
newborn hares were not to be killed but left to her
protection. Rabbits were sacred to Aphrodite, the
goddess of love, beauty, and marriage—for rabbits
had “the gift of Aphrodite” (fertility) in great abundance.
In Greece, the gift of a rabbit was a common love token
from a man to his male or female lover. In Rome, the
gift of a rabbit was intended to help a barren wife
conceive. Carvings of rabbits eating grapes and figs
appear on both Greek and Roman tombs, where they
symbolize the transformative cycle of life, death, and rebirth.
Oh. Well. Um. So, it’s about a different type of ‘ception, eh? This is an homage to conception?
Am I to believe that looking at this thing is supposed to make me want to rip off my clothes, shag my husband, and get knocked up? The only stronger form of birth control I know of is a Saturday afternoon shopping trip to my local Walmart.
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Elly Lou prefers to keep all things with antlers far, far away from her uterus.
Some more like this one:A Mel Gibson Craftastrophe
The artist as clairvoyant? Surely this art was made before Radar Online published tapes that it claims are Mel Gibson threatening to burn down his ex-GF and baby-momma’s house.
Yet she called it “Lethal Christ.” Coincidence? Ooooooh-eeeeeee-oooooh.
A Lethal Weapon-inspired illustration of Danny Glover as the Virgin Mary and Mel Gibson as baby Jesus.
Yeah, of course. Makes sense. And Baby Mel Jesus is SO attractive.
Just like the real guy. I shouldn’t make fun. There was a day – long, long ago, mind you – that I thought Mel was hotter than a Plutonium Sandwich.
Sigh. Those days are gone. But you can still have a beautiful piece of religious iconography if you buy this. I wonder how Danny Glover feels about being cast as the Blessed Virgin Mary?
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Suebob has moved on. She hopes Oksana does, too.
Not the same, but still fun:Why isn’t there any hair on the arms?
It’s happened that I keep finding craftastrophes that just don’t need descriptions. So here you go. Eight inch tall sculptures of nude men on a bench, one passed out on the other, and both have extremely hairy legs.
Do with that what you will.
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Cat Rocketship wrote this post. She is an artist and is okay with nudes, but not these nudes.
Some more like this one:Tom Selleck sperm plush rattle
Seriously, I DARE ANYONE to come up with a better title than the seller herself.
A plush rattle made into the form of a sperm made in the likeness of Tom Selleck.
SpermaSelleck.
Things your Nanna woulda given her right tit for.
Magnum OH MY!
Moustachioed man milk.
Nup, I got nothing.
But I can see a cottage industry growing here. Rastafarian Bob Marley sperm, The Divine Miss M blighted ovum, Lady Gaga Sparkly Poly-cystic Ovary.
All with rattles for your precious little baby to love.
Kelley – who now understands why her mum wouldn’t let her watch Magnum PI.
Not the same, but still fun:The Bag You Have to Wax
Ladies, how often have you been out in an ensemble completely devoid of pockets and thought to yourself, “Damn, if only my water bottle fit in my vag!” Oh come on, I had it happen twice just in the past week.
Well now you can shove your lipstick, car keys, kazoos, and other daily necessities right on into your special place without having to worry about moisture damage. How on Earth did we manage before the invention of the Shagadelic Purssy Clutch?
Now you can reveal your inner cunt and stash your cell phone in it too!
This clutch was handcrafted from vintage fabric, and looks innocent enough from the outside… Imagine her delight when she opens it up to reveal an anatomically correct vagina! Perfect for the bride-to-be/drag queen/pussy lover in your life.
Screw the bride to be. I think the entire congregation should be toting these bad boys filled with seeds to hurl at the bride and groom as they flee the altar. Imagine the melee as wedding guests start reaching into other peoples’ purssies when theirs run out of seed.
All of a sudden this post sounds like an excerpt from a bad romance novel. Fortunately the Purssy is easily cleaned with a simple mixture of vinegar and water. The only other maintenance necessary is an occasional waxing.
Ahem.
Thanks, Ginger!
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Elly Lou‘s vag also has a satin lining.
Some more like this one:Boob Hair
I’ve always heard about “boob hair” but have never seen any. I always thought it was an urban legend or something. Until today.
“One physical hallmark of being a mammal is possessing hair—something humans routinely try to shape, deny, remove, and contain that persists nonetheless. In this work I combine found clothing items that carry their own layers of meaning with hair that intrudes on and reshapes them as a reassertion of the closeted mammal inside. Acknowledging our mammalian roots places humankind back among – not above – other animals.”
Do you think if I put mousse on these roots my boobs will look bigger ?
Unfortunately, I have no witty line for these. Unless you count WTF ?
Kim prefers Victoria’s Secret.
Not the same, but still fun: